Revive

It's been a while.

Since the previous post till today, I guess the number of times that I wanted to make a new post on this blog is....numerous.

The content of those possible new posts would all have a common undertone, which is...sighhh

and i would probably want to end those posts with...life goes on. gotta go.

I did not write those posts.

I've decided to swallow those shit.

So why do i post today?

For i got revived!

...partially

still Yay!

(Date marked)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjh4aRtGqJs

REAL

163rd Post...Gotta post something special, cos there's a 3 in the post number, didn't forget the blog-play, haha

Alright let's go.

Today is my first weekend experience from my first ever full-time job. That's something special to me. I will come back to this point again. To start off, let's talk a little bit about the past. 

In 2013, I've made one random post, my first post, and a "I-should-slap-my-face-for-doing-this" post, my second post. Both posts cover nothing about my life in 2013, though they reflect much to me in hindsight and so for blog-sake, I shall explain why by uncovering what had happened in 2013.

For the first 5 months, and plus the last few months of 2012, I was fully engaged myself in writing my first feature-length screenplay for my Final Year Project. It was my last and most important module in the degree course. It was what I called it, "Fulfill Your Passion" Project as I started out doing it, and eventually calling it "(Just) Finish Your Project" Project when the deadline was coming on 8th May 2013, being the ultimate/2nd deadline, in which I must hand in the printed copies or else I will fail the module right away. For those who doesn't know what to do for their FYP, it's "Find Your Passion" time~ One way or another, it pretty much is gonna be Fun/Frustrating, Yawning/Yelling, Perplexing/Purifying. For me, I had gone through all of these and I love every single moment of my FYP.

The passionate ones, including me, will see the project as an important event that one should go all out, to present their knowledge and passion about Cinema, to tell a personal story, to spread some ideas in film or written form, to record something dear to themselves in documentary form, or to simply create a work that would become a memorable gift for themselves as a film student, provided they have given all out. The word, 'Final' in the term FYP, means a lot to us here. It would mean that we might never get a chance to do this again when we step into the working world, and this is truly our last attempt/moment to be part of something we really like, in the role of a creator, or rather auteur in this context. Going all out we must. 

Before I talk about my writing experience, I want to share that I had plans to shoot my own 20-30 minutes film for my FYP as most film students would prefer to do, but I ended up choosing to write instead. For sure I would like to write and direct (and of course, fund) my very own narrative film, seeing my story idea coming to life, through moving images, sound, editing, interesting dialogues etc. If the end result was good, you can safely say that you are some of the luckiest person on earth to have gone through such journey and getting such reward at the end. If the result was bad, it is still a good attempt and we should make better film next time, cheers. However, I still did not do it even though I know it is worth the try no matter what. Reason being I just could not see myself being able to piece up the parts needed to make the film before I had to lock in my final decision for my FYP to the school, on whether I will be making a film or documentary, or writing a screenplay or novel. I just do not want to make a half-ass film, which is going to be a great waste of my effort and resource if I did not prepare well, such as finding the right casts, locations and crew etc. Not mentioning, a great waste of my crew's time and effort if I did not prepare well and wanting to start shooting it for I "had to". Every second of a poorly-made film with half-ass prep work is painful to watch, at least for me. This definitely is the point of view of the Production manager or Producer for a film project, and I did not let the Director role to dictate my judgement at an early stage.  Anyway, the film idea of mine would involve 2 main characters (lots of screen time), and around 8 side characters (little screen time). I kind of like the story, but there was a scene which I find it relatively difficult to realize, and I was not at all confident and comfortable with the whole thing, so I just convinced myself that I should forgo this film idea and try something else, something I can manage, but I just could not. The only other thing that was running in my head and heart during that time was what was going to be the story idea for my first ever screenplay. It would be a sci-fi story in a pretty epic scale. I know I was setting myself up for another deep shit hole, but this time, knowing that I will be the only one suffering the consequences from its failure, I gladly went on to write with nothing to worry about. Also, I wanted to try writing this story because there was something far more intriguing that I had found/felt in this largely undeveloped story world of mine, pulling me in instantly the moment I began to engage it at the early stage. (Extra note: From this evaluation stage for my FYP, it was clear to me that I am extremely uptight before I go on shooting a film. I want to be sure that I have the right people, sets and everything...up to 80 or 90% in control in the pre-pro stage. And I see people's time and intention to help as something highly precious in which I couldn't tolerate if the quality of the film is bad because my story/script or film direction was not well thought out in the first place. The funny thing about film making is that you can never prepare enough for a film, and when you start shooting it, things will take shape...in a various different way. You are never ready when you are a part of this living world call film and you have to constantly react to it, experiment, refine, re-examine, retry...with time, budget, resources and constraints constantly fighting for your attention as well. With this said, the way to approach film making is to really do it and keep doing it...with better thinking, planning and reaction-action the next time round as experience adds up. To start off making your film with ease, you must be either 50% insane or 50% stupid The insane ones can see the lacking parts or upcoming problems, but still film it anyway because they live in/for film. The stupid ones can start off with ease because they cannot see the problems. People like me who place high importance in clarity and control for a film project will most likely end up getting little done at the end. We can say that it can help us to avoid investing in a wrong film, but failure is highly encouraged in filming. Only to realize it more as I study film. Failing is exactly how it works. You are just making things up right from the start, and then you are trying to make things look right throughout the process. Nothing is right in filming, from the beginning to the end. And isn't this the best? Now, about the worst of filming, the horrifying lighting, the crappy sound recording, the lousy acting, the noobish directing...whatever the problems, you have got yourself a record of the actual time and space of that moment of actors' life, and occasionally your life and crew members' life in your video camera. That in itself is something priceless and worth keeping. Rare footage from the past are certainly far more precious than the footage of the modern days, but every record is unique, and that's the endless reward that filming can provide you with. Every playback is going to put a smile or crazy laughter on your face. The only bad things that can happened, are again, the inability to make the film/fiction that you want it to be, and the spent money. No need to talk much about the money part, you will understand. And so, I will go on filming, and much insanity is needed.)

On my writing experience for my FYP, I would like to talk about "The Spark" that sparked off a new rush of imagination and curiosity that would subsequently spurred me to make the huge decision to writing an ambitious sci-fi story, in which I must mention, is highly unlikely to be fully realized into a film, due to its scale, and therefore I am probably writing just to please myself. I wanted to write it simply because I want to follow my heart, and let it go wild for the final time perhaps, while at the same time, unleashing all my knowledge, life experience and effort to make sure that it is at least a readable piece when it is done. In this sense, I am 50% insane when approaching to write this screenplay. The school system (forcing us early to decide on the type of FYP to make) and deadline also played a vital role to keep me focused, be on my toes, working non-stop and squeezing every single creative/life juice that I have in me. "The Spark" is actually a tiny scribble that I have made on a rough A4 paper filled with many other scribbling. In that few drawing lines, I have found myself a simple set-shot or mood-board to would give birth to a story world of its own, and so I believe. For days, that image just kept reappearing in my head, and my brain seemed to voluntarily help me linked up my interests, concerns, thoughts and ideas to fill up this world. Soon enough, a rough story outline was formed. It all happened effortlessly and following after, I made the switch to writing it as a screenplay for my FYP.

Basically, it took me a couple of months of running the story in my head, including planning the story structures and scene layout, before I start to write the first scene at early 2013. I do have a few other assignments to finish and have to help out my friends’ FYP during the process. Other than that, I put all my time to writing it and barely finished the first draft on 08 May 2013. As part of the requirements, I have written a reflection note which is of 8 pages long, and it documented most of my thoughts and feelings about the writing experience. I will not be sharing the details, too dense!...in this post as I want to cover other areas as well, but here’s a line (not the last) from my last paragraph of the note, “Lastly, I would like to sum up that this screenwriting experience has been especially inspiring, gut-wrenching, self-revealing and rewarding for me.” Note that I am still working on it, slowed down much, because there was no deadline for 2^nd draft maybe.

What’s next after submitting the work? Holiday! Freedom! Pure Joy!

Linking up: The random thoughts from first post of 2013 ended up finding its way into my screenplay, giving me perspective, crystallizing some important themes for the story. Like film, you cannot prepare enough for a screenplay, you will have to write it, and things will always take shape in ways you can never expect them to be. I was thankful for that random post, and that post now rightfully summed up the first half of my 2013. The next half of my 2013 would reflect in my 2nd random post in 2013. It's all wow, and woohoo. Let's take a look.

From July to September, I returned to Singapore for 2 months, staying at my sister’s boyfriend’s place. Utterly grateful to my sis and her boyfriend for letting me stay for so long, and we sure had some great time together, awesome. The trip is all about catching up with my sis, my friends, Singapore and the food there, haha. Had a truly great time doing so, and I wish I could have stayed longer, but the fact that I should be getting a job and start working right away so as to truly establish my adult life, (I do not regard myself as an adult when I was still schooling as I still take pocket money from my parents) about being a professional worker, earning salary, manages my own life etc…I realized that there was simply no time to waste anymore. Previously I even (insanely) planned to spend the next half a year or more to just draw the things I want to draw, something I really want to fully focus on, had to be postponed indefinitely. Shame on myself for not growing up.

Once I was back in Hong Kong, I went full force developing my portfolio as a concept artist/ illustrator. It took me a while to finish it and start applying for jobs in both Singapore and Hong Kong. Here comes reality. I had never research or think about what kind of job I can get in these places. I know I will want to work on something that requires me to draw and design, and I have been working on this during my free time, but I have never prepare for it in a professional manner. I have no idea why I have overlooked this. Perhaps I thought these days are still far away from me when I was in school. Wanting to give my all for my FYP certainly took away lots of my attention, but I still should spare some time to think about my life about University studies. Surely, I was in a comfortable spot, with my parents still living around me, and having nothing to worry about, except for getting better as an individual. Still, I fell short…way short in this real world…way way way short in the entertainment industry which requires 2 to 3 years of relevant working experience for low paying, long hours entry level job. I thought I could fulfill their requirements as I applied for the jobs, namely as 2d graphic artist, but most of the time, I did not get their reply and the several times I went for my interviews, I did not make it to the second round. My lack of working experience and software skills had put me somewhat a useless person who only has one skill, drawing, and not really of high standard too.

Reality hits hard, for reality has always been around.

I have been living in a fantasy world, the switch of lens, or seeing the world in a different angle, where money, marketing, profits, target customers, promotions etc. are what truly matters, I pretty much have nothing to offer. Being jobless since the day I start applying for one is yet another unique and even fruitful experience for me. For all I know, I somehow always see negative stuff happening in my life as something good for my personal growth; there is a lesson to learn somewhere. The lesson got larger as days gone by, I felt like a useless person. Went to jobsdb website every day to look out for job openings, and applied them even though I do not wish to work for them. I do not wish to contribute to something that has no intention to make the society a better place. My knowledge about the righteous way of living does not make sense in this real world in so many ways that I helplessly worried about how I am going to live in this world. And I have not step into it yet, just in the middle of nowhere, in the midst of a very cold winter, feeling terrible, thinking pessimistically. I was super unproductive when I should be churning out artworks of high level, in top speed, fully focused every day. I could not. I had no idea how time passed by, quickly when I did not want it to be, and slowly when it was all awful.

Fast forward. On 24 February 2014, I finally landed my first full-time job as a 2D Game Artist for a start-up company developing a mobile game. I got to mainly use Photoshop for this job, I got to help design the assets for the game, the travelling part is alright, the co-workers are cool…I like my job, and more importantly, I am entirely grateful for this work opportunity. I have finally fit in, and see myself functioning in this real world without too much friction. The time for me to feel sorry for myself was over. Now I am fully focused during my job, wanting to make the game work, so that the company can grow, so that I can grow, while hoping that our game is not causing much harm to the people in any ways so that I can sleep well at night, so that I can work hard again the next day. I have yet to see how this work loop will work for me, but I am pretty sure I am fully into the next phase of my life, building up some real parts of me. Whatever will be, will be.

One fine day, when I am strong enough I will resume my half-a-year to a full-year “Draw My Passion” Project. I will escape into my own world again and produce things that I believe will make myself happy or benefit mankind. My 50% insane theory has to kick in again, or hell with it, I am talking about 100% insane right here, lol. Cool, it’s getting real late for me, few more minutes to 3am as I am writing now, cannot think properly already. This is how I have spent my first day of my weekend after 5 working days. I wanted to blog after my FYP, but I was too tired to type anymore, and so I waited till I return from Singapore, but I was busy with portfolio stuff. And then came the jobless phase. Finally reached to this point where I think I can breathe properly and post something blog-worthy…and I want to do it in one shot. Was looping this music piece while typing this post, the play counter recorded 190 plus times played, took me some time to type this post man. Nice piece btw.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztFNFji1cbk

Earlier on today, I watched Dallas Buyers Club online. Totally enjoyed the movie, charmed by the acting of the lead actor and the supporting actor, and I liked the story, the character relationship, the execution and the editing. The whole thing flows well and I particularly like the last shot and a few scenes of show. It was a good movie and I should have watched it in the Cinema. Sorry guys for not supporting. A highly recommended film.

Yup, gonna watch some interviews and read some reviews about the show tomorrow. I will also start to draw my own stuff, hone my skills and escape from the real world for a little more while.

Qn: What’s special about this 163^rd post?

Ans: Eh, I wrote a lot?

wow

woohoo

A story about us.

 In short, just remember that you are both nothing and something.

How so?

When we are nothing, it means that we are ultimately all the same, hence without differences, there is nothingness, and this brings us to the see the ‘face’ of Nature. When we are something, it is about the details of Nature, hence the flowers, the wind, the feelings, the thoughts. The details provide the differences, the sum of everything points to nothingness, and this is the contradicting environment that we can only exist in.

Story exists in the detailed end of the universe, it is about character, event, time and space, and not surprisingly, nothingness lies at the other end of this universe. Story is both something and nothing, which means that story is as human as we are, and they can reflect on us, reveal more details or eventually bring us to nothingness, where an ultimate story means nothing, the deepest or the furthest of humanity means nothing and there is absolutely nothing wrong or right about it. Let the story rests at any point in this universe, let the human be more than human, it is all right, and it is all fine. 

xelex03

It's the end of the....year!!!

wow. this is the 4th post of 2012. so the average is down to a post every 3 months. not good, but not too bad huh.

guess what, i needa read back my posts to recall roughly what i've done this year. i guess being too busy can be a bad thing...u can't absorb the nutrients properly. maybe i just didn't put in the effort to remember the things...not mentioning the nutrients. maybe my memory power is naturally weak....especially with numbers...i can't rmb shit abt numbers.

anw, for the last few months, i've been schooling. and i've completed two short films in my Directing course. one is group work. one is individual. It's been a mixture of joy and frustrations. but i always like all ranges of emotions displayed while working together, it's a very human thing. so whenever i look back on things, they are all good. the outcome for both films were...acceptable. definitely not good, but not too bad either, haha. the filmmaking experience is still very very new for me...and i can see much much more room for improvement for me...and those room are very fill-able in my opinion. it all comes to putting in more time, care and effort to your craft, and u'll see things getting better. and sometimes, external things will push it to far greater heights. a kind of reward that only the passionate and hardworking can get. i've witnessed these miracles (and tragedies) upon many of my sch mates here, as it's really abt 'what you reap, is what you sow'. the logic is simple, but not many ppl are able to get it. i also always see people concluding on their ability to create things based on their recent works they've made. if it's not good now, then i'm not good at it. i wonder if one is really so farsighted, that they can tell how well they will do in the long run based on their few attempts on the field...or they are just depressed abt the failures, and everything just look bad from that point onwards. hmm, in the end, it's always ppl who are willing to stick to it...at all cost...to get what they want. not that they are farsighted, not are they happy with their works, but its the tedious process of trying get nearer to the goal that have provided them the unique human experience...and then the "lucky" opportunities. apart from the never-say-die attitude and i-love-what-i-do kind of passion, i've observed that there's another key ingredient for things to work out...it's that...nothing-else-matters/nothing-to-lose/no-other-way-out situations that those ppl are in...whether they want it or not. this kind of situation gives them the focus..to keep on doing on that one particular thing...not that they are enjoying much of it or excel in it, it's that they have to do it...like a survival thing. it can be a depressing situation to be it, but it is a wonderful place to start, for the ppl to shine through eventually. if u have so many things else to do, to enjoy, to try, to maintain...u will be spread thin, u are bound to put in lesser effort and time into your craft than those who are in those no-other-way-out situations...striving to achieve the same goal as you. soon, u'll realise that your work will always fell short of your expectations (duh), and more importantly, fell short when compared to others. the message to rmb here is that you don't want to say that you are no better than the other person if you have put in less time and effort on the same thing that you both are working on. btw, there's always someone more hardworking than you, and brighter or more gifted than you. and they are in that "desperate" situations somehow...which spells...a lot of time, effort, concern, concentration put in that subject. YET..ppl still feel bad easily upon (minor) failures which they have not put their whole mind, heart and body into. and they constantly compare themselves with the Greats. this is a joke. and it's happening all the time. I was a part of this joke as well. it's inevitable. lol! i mean, i also compare myself to the greats while putting like 1% of effort and passion of theirs into the subject. now that i've wake up my ideas, i think it's abt time for me to always tell my friends...whoever working/studying in the field of arts...there's a long wayyyyy to go. never feel bad of your work. there's no point to it. it's abt breaking out...of your comfort zone, your bad habit, bad belief, bad taste, bad vision, bad behaviour, bad attitude etc etc. at the end of the day, u may most likely still be many miles or light years away from those masters...who gave their mind, heart, body, soul, god send talent...into just one subject...with much desperation and blessing/curse. with the internet that brings us wikipedia and youtube...we'll soon realise that's the way things work for ages...blessing in disguise...good in bad, bad in good, yin yang, bla bla bla. many things in life can be quite formula-tic...or calculated. it's both good and bad as usual.

and now, i've come to a point that...i know that i'm not ready to push myself to that nothing-else-matters situations...i'm still leading a pretty good life...as a commoner...with a little bit of desperation at times. i'm surrounded with great tools for good artworks...be it film, photography or drawings...i'm blessed with a wonderful family and  friends in my life. it's a living paradise...if i have to compare with the unfortunates...so as to make myself feel better (what a loser, haha).



notice that, i've just compared myself with the people not as good as me. and there are also plenty of them? what can this say? it's about how we frame our life. how we want it to be. we are always in between the mass...people better than us...people worse than us. we are always judging, comparing, calculating, reassuring, re-framing our lives...we deal with things differently, according to their bla bla bla. we have different ways to measure diff things. it's the right thing to do at times, and it's where we make grave mistakes too. different ways to frame your life..without changing the state of your life...can derive to different conclusions about your life, or your progress in life. how to be right everytime? how to make the best out of every situations everytime? it's not enough to list out key ingredients to success...cause ppl can always 'see' things differently. however, i do wish to point out that Attitude comes out to be one of the final few key words that can really point out the root to many problems clearly to us.

Attitude is not as simple as we understood it to be. It's not just about good attitude or bad attitude. the part we usually don't think about is...how to develop the right attitude? how to get there? what is needed to be done? you see, we are too comfortable with the idea that action is the most important thing...after idea...as they are concrete things...a piece of work...and action, a deed. There is an energy that flow through this action...and the most important one, is the attitude of doing that thing, the energy of that attitude. we thought that the production part is where action happens...thinking and imagining are not really actions...less about attitude. but then, for a attitude to become good, strong, positive attitude...lots of work has to be done. it's built upon your everyday belief, practise, behavior, activity etc. it's intangible...but it matters the most in the end. we all have an attitude towards ourselves, our life, our work etc...and it governs how we see, interpret and conclude on things...or simply, how we frame things. attitude needs to be slowly build and craft upon...you cant' adjust/decide yourself to adopt a good attitude now...and then a bad attitude next. it doesn't break down this way. it is the sum of all your actions. every second counts. every next action carries the 'total sum of all your attitude on all things you've worked on'...it evolves as you work on. and if you want to have good discipline, strong will and passion...then u better developed a good attitude to the things you do...including brushing your teeth if you know what i am saying here.

therefore, i'm saying that...the best work of a person...is directly related to the person's (best) (overall) attitude. and usually when u see that the work is really good, u'll see that the creator has a strong attitude in the way he/she live his/her life. i can't say it's a good attitude...as i can't define what is good for an attitude...but strong or firm it definitely is. when we try to find out what how the person can achieve or make those great things...we want to hear them explain how they see and believe in things, more than how it is physically done. it's the strong attitude that we are attracted to. it's the strong attitude that delivers. and we can see it 'glowing' when the person speaks, look at others, smile, explains, describe, act, breath etc etc. it's all there. it's a craft...which is built consciously or unconsciously. and if u want to consciously develop a strong attitude...then you must ask for wisdom, it's a mind and soul job. in the end, there are plenty of 'mental actions' needed before a good move can be made in life. try not to depend on luck. it can be worked out. every second, you are given the opportunity to develop it...or to dampened it.

Cheers to strong attitude in life!

Wish everyone happy 2013!!! :D

Moonlight Sonata

always like the first part of Moonlight Sonata. well, it is the most famous part that everyone is familiar with and fond of. it was at youtube that i got to listen to the full version, which consists of 3 parts or in professional term, 3 movements. i'm at awe the first time i listened to it. i wish to describe how i think and feel about the music, or how has the music made me think and feel. but i don't wish affect anyone's first experience with it. then of course, maybe many of u guys have already heard of it, and i'm the "late" person, haha. anyway, enjoy the music. and thanks youtube again.

and oh, there was a stretch where i was really busy with work, and hence i really...completely forgot to blog! and so, i didn't update for april and may. as for june, i was really busy with enjoying my holidays...so i skipped blogging, to save time :P  but hey, i won't stop blogging. this shit will go on. it must. hahaha! and once in a blue moon, i'll go back and read my earlier posts. i was pretty impressed that i can still agree with my younger self when "he" is trying to talk "sense". and for sure, i would laugh at my own jokes. and at times, i would have to put in some effort to connect to my younger self's frequency...he's pretty random indeed.

now, i wonder how i will see the current me from this post in the future. i wonder if i can tell myself what i thought and felt about the Moonlight Sonata, when i didn't actually write it down here, haha. aiya, it's nothing much actually. just some thoughts like..."this is the best piano music EVER"...like those u always see in the youtube site, where the fans will comment in this way for the video that they like. best EVER~~.

yea, there is no such thing as best ever. even for Moonlight Sonata.

cool. good night.

March On

wow, i missed the posting 'deadline' for the month of February! If I recall correctly, i was busy having fun. Had my Chinese New Year Celebration in Shen Zhen, and the 春晚show was very entertaining to watch. the 相声 were all hilarious and meaningful to watch. the stage was very high tech! formed up with many many many large cubes of around 2 meters in length...and this large platform is incredibly flexible as these cubes can move up and down to various height...to form different kinds of stage for each performance. and each side of the cube, except for the bottom one, is a full screen...that will help make up the mise-en-scene for the stage. very effective and nice to watch!

and now, March is going to be over soon! oh my...time flies! i hope this is doing me good. as of 03 March, i've officially became 24 years old. oh my...time flies! i hope this is doing me good XD.
Big thanks to the people who wished me happy birthday. really appreciate it! thanks for the love and support. as i occasionally miss the timing on wishing you guy's a happy birthday, i hereby wish everyone love and peace! keep moving forward! cheers!

Currently, i am busy helping out my senior to finish her Final Year Project. It is compulsory for the second year student (me) to help out the final year student on their fyp, which will be a short film of around 30 mins long. As much as, my senior is planning for a simple film production...things just naturally gets more complicated as we try to get it done...hence, the intended period for filming has been extended. each extra day of work can be very demoralising and costly. but this is really part of the game if you want to do film. YES, i am getting pretty paranoid, and have been thinking much for my own fyp which will occur somewhere around this time next year. Similarly, i aim for very simple set up, in terms of location, story structure, number of actors etc...so that i can manage them well. but as a story guy, i aim to get the story develop/evolve into its best form...and that's where things get out of hand. I am having this idea which i want to work on further, but as i didn't limit how my story flows...more and more characters start to jump in into the story, same for locations. as much as i am enjoying this 'crazy ride' in my mind, i fear that i have overdevelop it to something i love but can't be done. houleeshit. i have a hunch that i will have to ruthlessly cut down the story or simplify it...which i think will lose lots of energy to the work. damn.

other memorable events during march, the great master, Moebius, has passed away. I totally love his works and they are absolutely inspiring for me. Rest in Peace.

and the election for Chief Executive for Hong Kong is over. Leung won. but most people in Hong Kong were angry with result, saying that it is not what the people want. The people of Hong Kong wants a re-election as they believe that this is a 'small-circle election' where the public have very little say in the event. People are saying Hong Kong is dying. but then again, which country is doing really well nowadays? very very few i guess. we are all struggling. but i hope that we don't get too negative to the negative things that WILL happen. one might think that there is another way to this problem, but most of the time, things just have to happen the wrong way. still, i'm glad to see that people of hong kong are very clear of what is doing good or bad for their city, and they will stand up and defend the good things (freedom, justice etc) when necessary. However, i have this feeling that everyone is feeling very low here....maybe they are right that the city is really dying...but i think the frustrations and anger should be transmitted to some other channels which will do Hong Kong well, instead of doing self-mocking and stuff. Hong Kong people have great passion. we all can feel it. Make good use of it, and Hong Kong will never die.

Okay, that's all. i'm late for class, haha!

More Mojo Needed

Man, I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mojo to blog recently. Hmmm…

….

Okay let’s talk about 2011…it is pretty good overall. I did a proper filming project with my schoolmates for Cinematography class. It took around 5 or 6 days to finish the shoot. The whole team has around 13 people. And I’m in the lighting group, to help out with the lighting of course, haha. The whole filming thing is pretty rewarding for me as I got to experience something I have never try before but have always wanted to try. I must say that we are just a bunch of students trying to create a 15 minutes plus film…getting things done the way we want to and the way we can best get things done…hence I didn’t quite get the “professional” experience in filming yet. But then again, apart from the difference in equipments (those A-class filming equipments) and other areas like professional actors, higher budget bla bla bla…I have to say this project has really allow me to understand a lot more about filming….(the-making-part I must emphasised)…and it is really pretty damn life-draining….and pretty damn time and money costly. But I always enjoy to be a part of a group of people doing something wholeheartedly…with might and passion…(haha!)…and I got this wonderful atmosphere again while doing this project. (Yea, reminds me of the good old days when I was playing for my sec sch basketball team and doing final year project with my poly mates.) The final output of this film project was pretty good…though I think the story can be much better. Well, it’s very difficult for us to do what we know that can make the film better when we don’t have lots of money and connection and stuff…so we always find the most effective way to tell the story…which is just another way of saying simplifying the parts or the whole thing to something more manageable…which leads to lowering the output’s quality. Well, such problem and approach to overcome the problem happens everywhere…just that the “form” is different. Right?

I still love films, more than ever. But I’m really not seeing myself enjoying every bits of the filming process…unlike when I’m drawing. I really like moving images edited nicely together to create drama, along with great sound effect and music etc…but it just takes too many things to do it…(there are much to elaborate on this, but I’m fast forwarding to the key point) ... when I realized that drawing can create drama too, and it only requires me alone to achieve it… I really begin to see what I should really be crazy about over the next few years.

Well, this is me…talking again. Hope that this is not a meaningless post.

Oh oh, btw, I can never be a vegetarian as I’m just not disciplined enough.

Really quite disappointed with myself. As for now, I will only eat chicken, follow by pork and seafood. I will limit myself not eat beef and mutton…but will still eat if there is no other option and I’m freaking hungry etc. My stupid logic is that it’s okay to kill chickens, pigs and fishes, but it’s cruel to kill cows and sheep. No-sense. Oh yea, whenever there is some vegetarian food around, it will still be my top priority….provided it is not too expensive, lol. damn, it’s hard to live in this world isn’t it?

Okay, that’s all for now :)

goodbye 2011

oh well. i didn't make good use of my time. i wanted to rest and slack, more than i wanted to blog. and now i can only post my last painting for 2011 here to make it a 'proper' post for December...

2012 will be a fantastic year. i just know it.

beezy

ok, my gastric pain is pretty much gone. it has been around for 2 weeks plus, and i did not go to see a doctor...which can be quite dangerous. as in, my stomach would bleed, rot or even explode if i don't attend to it anytime sooner. alright, i'm kidding. lucky for me, before i drag my body to see the doctor...mom gave me some banana to eat and Yakult to drink. WOW. they are super effective! lol, after several banana and yakult session, my gastric pain problem is almost completely gone! i dislike seeing doctor and i enjoy eating banana and drinking yakult...and now, they can actually solve my gastric problem, hooray!! thank you banana and yakult (either one of you, or both of you saved me) And of cos, thank you mom for the timely rescue.

next, lots of work to do. will talk about it after i finish my semester.

maybe this is some bullshit...but i can feel my ultimate super turbo fantastic Xelex Power is coming back!

or maybe i'm just happy that the gastric pain is gone :D

Gastric Pain

it's back.

there was a period of time where i had experience CONSTANT gastric pain for a few days. it's fucking bad. i totally couldn't concentrate on anything, but to roll on the bed, to get myself to sleep, only then the pain can go away. Eventually, i went to see the chinese doctor and had two servings of medicine before things got better. The doctor said that everyone would experience bad gastric pain at least once in their life, and once they overcome it, they may not be having it ever again.

well, it's back. for me. it's not as bad as the previous time. i can still blog about it now, lol. but yea, gastric pain is "brain-stopper" in my point of view. as in, my brain stops working when gastric pain "takes over". This may increase my stress level when there are work waiting to be done, and that means more gastric pain. sibei sian. this feeling sucks. for i am neither sick nor healthy, i can still work...but not efficiently. guess i need to see the doctor again.

haha, reminds me about Daryl and his gastric pain moments. now i can understand how fucked up this is. and it's not helping when we are cracking lame jokes to make everyone laugh...cos laughing does not go with gastric pain well. lol!

for now, more warm water and more rest bah.

Anyday without gastric pain is a happy day. Hahhaa!

One more month and I’m somewhat done with my year 2 semester A. lol.

I know I’m doing things and learning things. But it’s like a dream. It feels like an illusion sometimes. this is probably because I feel that I have not work hard enough and have not really absorb all the new information. I still suck at learning new software, can never catch up with the lecturer’s lightning speed demonstration. Even when I can follow her pace, I would still forget what I’ve learn when I don’t touch the software for around 5 days. So every week’s new lesson is something new, and yea, i’ve forgot about what’s been taught…and I’ll forget about what will be taught soon. All is left, are the visual memories of me clicking the mouse, staring at the computer (wondering how to do it or what went wrong). It is just an experience with a new software…and that’s about it. No more information about the software. When I operate software or a machine, I don’t really use real memories, cos I didn’t retain them somehow, I use my muscle memories instead. How pathetic.

The most interesting thing for this semester is the (Chinese) scriptwriting class. It’s really fun to write your own story. To construct everything from scratch, and then see your characters coming to life…being able to follow them…and let the story unfold or retold in it’s own way. But the process for this to happen requires a lot of thinking, research and soul searching. The story I’m working on is far from done. The submitted version will not be the final version. Note that I am only required to write a 30 page script for the submission, which is not the full script. I wish I can finish the full script with the final story asap, if not it’ll be another ‘illusion’, lol.

And oh, I finally watched “L’Illusionniste” by Slyvain Chomet. Fantastic work. Will watch it a few times more to admire the wonderful animation in it.

Okay, back to ‘entertaining’ my gastric pain.